Dealing with a failed marriage and impending divorce is one of the most difficult things you may have to deal with in your life. It's not easy to come to terms with how things have ended up in your partnership or with a separation. There are many factors in play during divorces including child custody, visitation rights, asset division, alimony amounts, child support payments, and real estate. It's enough to make any man or woman struggle significantly. Don't try to go it alone and make sure to hire an experienced divorce lawyer.
Here are the top tips from divorce lawyers on how to deal with this difficult situation.
15 Best Pieces Of Advice On Getting Divorced From Experienced Divorce Attorneys
Tip #1- Make Sure That Getting Divorced Is The Right Thing For You
There are lots of different reasons people get divorced. Your reason could be something like you drifted apart from your partner or it could be that things have not been working for a long time with your partner, you have fallen out of love. All of those things are good reasons and they are valid reasons for wanting to get a separation or a divorce. However, it is very important that you do make sure that divorce is in fact the right option for you.
It should be noted that divorce is the final option. Divorce doesn’t happen easily. There are actually steps that the government has put in place in order to make divorce a little bit challenging. For example, there is a requirement that a 12-month period of separation needs to occur before you apply for divorce. If you have been married for less than 2 years, you need to attend counselling before you are able to apply for divorce.
Tip #2- Don’t Rush Off To Court
Bringing your matter to the family court can be an expensive, lengthy, tedious and emotional experience. So making sure that court is the final step or the final option and you have exhausted all of your other options is recommended.
Going through other forms of dispute resolution, for example, mediation, counselling, partaking in negotiations with your partner and trying to reach a resolution that way is much more favourable than going to court.
Tip #3- Keep Your Children Out Of It
Tip number 3 is if you have children, to try and keep your children out of the divorcing process. Even if you feel hostile towards your partner, keeping your children out of your divorce is really important for the wellbeing of your children. The last thing you want is to make things harder for your kids, so if you're thinking about changing their last name, you need to make sure the process doesn't lead to any more suffering.
Children obviously can be affected quite badly by divorce or by separation. It is something that no child really is prepared for, no child is really equipped emotionally to go through it. It is made a million times worse if you try and get children involved in the process either getting them to take sides or asking their opinions on things or talking badly about the other parent to them. It can have a big toll on your child’s wellbeing.
So try and keep your children out of it as much as possible. If you need to talk to someone else, just make sure that you do get that support that you need in talking to friends or relatives or counsellors, all that kind of thing but your child shouldn’t be the person who you do need to talk to about this approach. Let the family lawyers do the bulk of the work while you keep your kids as happy and shielded as you can from the divorcing process.
Tip #4- Try And Stay Calm In The Process
It can be tempting to send abusive text messages or abusive emails to the other party especially if you are going through a really hard time and you think that they are to blame. If you do this, it won’t do you any favours in the future though.
So if you have lashed out in the moment by sending messages or making abusive phone calls, this can be used against you in court. The court will look at what you have said, and it actually can be admitted into evidence.
Tip No # 5 Is To Keep Good Records Of Everything
This tip goes for situation in which you haven’t actually divorce yet or if you are going through the process.
So by keeping a good record of everything, that means both your financial documents and documents relating to your children. Family lawyers find it very helpful and it saves time and it saves a lot of money when clients can provide to us a good kind of system of bank statements, taxation documents and everything that is related to their financial.
Having records of children’s documents is also useful. That can be things like school reports, any kind of medical reports that the children might have, any kinds of communication that you have had with the other party about the children. That can also be really useful for your lawyer to have and you keeping a good record of that again is going to help us in saving a lot of time and saving a lot of your money.
Another thing to keep a record of, all of is this is just touching on from my previous point which was point 4, not sending abusive text messages or emails. If your partner has done so and there are text messages or emails or they have written to you or threatened you in some way for example and you do have a record of that, that is another thing to keep and to handover to your lawyer to use as evidence.
Tip #6- See A Counsellor And Get Help
This process is a long one and it is one of the most emotionally draining and upsetting times of anybody’s life. Dealing with splitting your life savings and children’s arrangements can be overwhelming and it something that you should not do alone.
So our advice is, do seek help when you need help, do reach out to your friends and family for help if you need. Do get professional help as well if that is something that you do need.
So go see a counsellor and get help in dealing with this process and do take care of your wellbeing in whatever way that means to you, for example, through exercise, eating well, getting enough sleep, finding time to relax and to recharge, and focusing on the things that you do like is a really good way to look after your wellbeing through this difficult time. It is a very challenging time but you will get through it. Which brings me on to my next point which is point No. 7, which is to focus on your future.
Tip #7- Focus On Your Future
Although it seems that your separation or your divorce might be never ending, it will come to an end and you will move on with your life. So that is something to remember as you are going through the process is to not let the process get your down and just remember that you will come out of the other side of this. It might take some time but you will and you will find happiness again.
So focusing on that, focusing on the fact that this relationship ended for whatever reason, accepting that and just deciding to move on would be our advice for focusing on the future.
Tip #8- Move On With Your Life Throughout The Process
The next tip is tip No. 8, that is just following on from what I have just said and that is to try and focus on the future and move on with your life. Although it might seem like the court process is never-ending and it is extremely slow, what you need to do is actually try and move on with your life as your separation is going on at the background.
Sometimes it takes up to 2 years to actually go from your first court date to actually come into a trial date. And so if for that 2 years, you are sitting around being depressed, feeling sorry for yourself, not going to work, not taking care of yourself, that is going to be absolute torture and you are not doing yourself any good by doing that. So tip #8 is to actually try and live on with your life while this case is happening in the background.
There might be periods where it does not seem like a lot is happening in the court which you don’t really need to do a lot, your lawyers will be the ones who can take care of it. They will be doing the follow-up. They will be on top of things. What you need to do is try and actually move on with your life in small ways and just leave that to your lawyers and leave it going on in the background.
Tip #9- Do Your Homework
So, tip No. 9 is to do your homework and work with your lawyer. Do your home with who the best divorce lawyers are in your area as well. You may find a great Katy divorce lawyer or a bad one, its up to you to research their reviews and skills. There are many, many times that you will be needed in process to help out with your case. You play an integral role basically in this matter because it is ultimately your own personal matter.
So there will be times when your lawyer will ask for information and for instructions regarding certain things. For example, your lawyer might identify that there are holes in certain arguments or more information is needed from you or additional documents are needed from you or try to find out basically what you want out of the case.
So doing your homework means that when your lawyer asks you to please send through this document or send through this bank statement or find out how much your superannuation is worth, please do it and try and work with your lawyer.
Working with your lawyer means that your matter will be dealt with in a prompt manner, as quickly as possible, and as cost-effectively as possible.
Tip #10 Is To Take Responsibility
In this process, a lot of people’s immediate reaction is to try and blame other people. For example, if you feel like you have been wronged by the other party and you are blaming everything on them, it is likely that that might not be actually true and you do almost certainly have a part to play in your matter.
So taking responsibility of things that have happened of occurred is definitely the better way to approach this.Putting your head in the sand is actually a lot of people’s reactions and it gets you nowhere. So do that responsibility for what is going on. Do engage in the process. Just remember that you are working for your future and just try and take that on board.
Tip #11- Speak To Experts
It is important to speak to people to find out what your divorce might end up like. People who might be able to help you include such as financial planners, mortgage brokers and accountants and actually getting that advice as to what you can afford, what you can’t afford, if you are able to re-mortgage your house, if you are able to carry on your business, that kind of thing is really important to know and that is not something that your lawyer can actually tell you. People such as mortgage brokers, accountants, and financial advisors will be able to help you understand that, give you a realistic picture of what you might look like coming out the other end of the divorce.
Tip #12- Get Legal Advice
For a lot of people, there is an option to represent yourself in the Family Court. This is a common thing that people do because they don’t have a fund to hire a lawyer.
However, it is important to speak to a family lawyer even if it is just that initial advice to find out what your entitlements look like, what you are legally entitled to and basically, setting you up for a good negotiation and a realistic outlook is something that is highly recommended.
Family lawyer is one of those areas in which there is a lot of outside information but spread around and that might not necessarily be accurate. People pick up information and misinformation and ideas from friends, from family members, from your neighbour next door who went through a divorce 5 years ago, from TV, from media, that kind of thing. There is just a huge spread of misinformation and that is quite dangerous because people do come into this process with the wrong ideas about how the process works.
So getting legal advice from a qualified family lawyer is highly, highly recommended. Clear your mind and to truly understand what the process is going to look like and uncover the truth for you.
Tip #13- Be Patient
There is a famous saying when it comes to divorce that divorce is only as fast as the slowest person. So you can’t actually force someone to engaged with the process, to reply to your letters on time and to negotiate with you. Sometimes, it really might just seem like a waiting game and being patient is very important.
Tip #14- Parenting Is Forever
Even though you might never want to see your partner again in your life, you are going to always have your children that you share. So you are going to have some kind of engagement with them in your life. So that is something to remember.
That goes back to my point about thinking about what you send. Do remember that what you are sending is to the other parent of your children, that will affect in some way your children and just remember that it is in the best interest of your children for you to be able to co-parent together, be able to work together in an amicable way.
Tip #15- Manage Your Expectations
This ties in with my tip about getting legal advice when getting divorced. There is a lot of misinformation around regarding what a divorce might look like, what you might be entitled to, who gets the keep the children and that kind of thing. Make sure you manage reasonable expectations when getting divorced.
Do Your Divorce Right
Listen to the advice of your divorce lawyer and they will be able to help you with your expectations and what your case might look like. Everyone's divorce process is different, so there should be a customized approach planned out.
There are lots of different reasons people get divorced. Your reason could be something like you drifted apart from your partner or it could be that things have not been working for a long time with your partner, you have fallen out of love. All of those things are good reasons and they are valid reasons for wanting to get a separation or a divorce. However, it is very important that you do make sure that divorce is in fact the right option for you.
It should be noted that divorce is the final option. Divorce doesn’t happen easily. There are actually steps that the government has put in place in order to make divorce a little bit challenging. For example, there is a requirement that a 12-month period of separation needs to occur before you apply for divorce. If you have been married for less than 2 years, you need to attend counselling before you are able to apply for divorce.
Tip #2- Don’t Rush Off To Court
Bringing your matter to the family court can be an expensive, lengthy, tedious and emotional experience. So making sure that court is the final step or the final option and you have exhausted all of your other options is recommended.
Going through other forms of dispute resolution, for example, mediation, counselling, partaking in negotiations with your partner and trying to reach a resolution that way is much more favourable than going to court.
Tip #3- Keep Your Children Out Of It
Tip number 3 is if you have children, to try and keep your children out of the divorcing process. Even if you feel hostile towards your partner, keeping your children out of your divorce is really important for the wellbeing of your children. The last thing you want is to make things harder for your kids, so if you're thinking about changing their last name, you need to make sure the process doesn't lead to any more suffering.
Children obviously can be affected quite badly by divorce or by separation. It is something that no child really is prepared for, no child is really equipped emotionally to go through it. It is made a million times worse if you try and get children involved in the process either getting them to take sides or asking their opinions on things or talking badly about the other parent to them. It can have a big toll on your child’s wellbeing.
So try and keep your children out of it as much as possible. If you need to talk to someone else, just make sure that you do get that support that you need in talking to friends or relatives or counsellors, all that kind of thing but your child shouldn’t be the person who you do need to talk to about this approach. Let the family lawyers do the bulk of the work while you keep your kids as happy and shielded as you can from the divorcing process.
Tip #4- Try And Stay Calm In The Process
It can be tempting to send abusive text messages or abusive emails to the other party especially if you are going through a really hard time and you think that they are to blame. If you do this, it won’t do you any favours in the future though.
So if you have lashed out in the moment by sending messages or making abusive phone calls, this can be used against you in court. The court will look at what you have said, and it actually can be admitted into evidence.
Tip No # 5 Is To Keep Good Records Of Everything
This tip goes for situation in which you haven’t actually divorce yet or if you are going through the process.
So by keeping a good record of everything, that means both your financial documents and documents relating to your children. Family lawyers find it very helpful and it saves time and it saves a lot of money when clients can provide to us a good kind of system of bank statements, taxation documents and everything that is related to their financial.
Having records of children’s documents is also useful. That can be things like school reports, any kind of medical reports that the children might have, any kinds of communication that you have had with the other party about the children. That can also be really useful for your lawyer to have and you keeping a good record of that again is going to help us in saving a lot of time and saving a lot of your money.
Another thing to keep a record of, all of is this is just touching on from my previous point which was point 4, not sending abusive text messages or emails. If your partner has done so and there are text messages or emails or they have written to you or threatened you in some way for example and you do have a record of that, that is another thing to keep and to handover to your lawyer to use as evidence.
Tip #6- See A Counsellor And Get Help
This process is a long one and it is one of the most emotionally draining and upsetting times of anybody’s life. Dealing with splitting your life savings and children’s arrangements can be overwhelming and it something that you should not do alone.
So our advice is, do seek help when you need help, do reach out to your friends and family for help if you need. Do get professional help as well if that is something that you do need.
So go see a counsellor and get help in dealing with this process and do take care of your wellbeing in whatever way that means to you, for example, through exercise, eating well, getting enough sleep, finding time to relax and to recharge, and focusing on the things that you do like is a really good way to look after your wellbeing through this difficult time. It is a very challenging time but you will get through it. Which brings me on to my next point which is point No. 7, which is to focus on your future.
Tip #7- Focus On Your Future
Although it seems that your separation or your divorce might be never ending, it will come to an end and you will move on with your life. So that is something to remember as you are going through the process is to not let the process get your down and just remember that you will come out of the other side of this. It might take some time but you will and you will find happiness again.
So focusing on that, focusing on the fact that this relationship ended for whatever reason, accepting that and just deciding to move on would be our advice for focusing on the future.
Tip #8- Move On With Your Life Throughout The Process
The next tip is tip No. 8, that is just following on from what I have just said and that is to try and focus on the future and move on with your life. Although it might seem like the court process is never-ending and it is extremely slow, what you need to do is actually try and move on with your life as your separation is going on at the background.
Sometimes it takes up to 2 years to actually go from your first court date to actually come into a trial date. And so if for that 2 years, you are sitting around being depressed, feeling sorry for yourself, not going to work, not taking care of yourself, that is going to be absolute torture and you are not doing yourself any good by doing that. So tip #8 is to actually try and live on with your life while this case is happening in the background.
There might be periods where it does not seem like a lot is happening in the court which you don’t really need to do a lot, your lawyers will be the ones who can take care of it. They will be doing the follow-up. They will be on top of things. What you need to do is try and actually move on with your life in small ways and just leave that to your lawyers and leave it going on in the background.
Tip #9- Do Your Homework
So, tip No. 9 is to do your homework and work with your lawyer. Do your home with who the best divorce lawyers are in your area as well. You may find a great Katy divorce lawyer or a bad one, its up to you to research their reviews and skills. There are many, many times that you will be needed in process to help out with your case. You play an integral role basically in this matter because it is ultimately your own personal matter.
So there will be times when your lawyer will ask for information and for instructions regarding certain things. For example, your lawyer might identify that there are holes in certain arguments or more information is needed from you or additional documents are needed from you or try to find out basically what you want out of the case.
So doing your homework means that when your lawyer asks you to please send through this document or send through this bank statement or find out how much your superannuation is worth, please do it and try and work with your lawyer.
Working with your lawyer means that your matter will be dealt with in a prompt manner, as quickly as possible, and as cost-effectively as possible.
Tip #10 Is To Take Responsibility
In this process, a lot of people’s immediate reaction is to try and blame other people. For example, if you feel like you have been wronged by the other party and you are blaming everything on them, it is likely that that might not be actually true and you do almost certainly have a part to play in your matter.
So taking responsibility of things that have happened of occurred is definitely the better way to approach this.Putting your head in the sand is actually a lot of people’s reactions and it gets you nowhere. So do that responsibility for what is going on. Do engage in the process. Just remember that you are working for your future and just try and take that on board.
Tip #11- Speak To Experts
It is important to speak to people to find out what your divorce might end up like. People who might be able to help you include such as financial planners, mortgage brokers and accountants and actually getting that advice as to what you can afford, what you can’t afford, if you are able to re-mortgage your house, if you are able to carry on your business, that kind of thing is really important to know and that is not something that your lawyer can actually tell you. People such as mortgage brokers, accountants, and financial advisors will be able to help you understand that, give you a realistic picture of what you might look like coming out the other end of the divorce.
Tip #12- Get Legal Advice
For a lot of people, there is an option to represent yourself in the Family Court. This is a common thing that people do because they don’t have a fund to hire a lawyer.
However, it is important to speak to a family lawyer even if it is just that initial advice to find out what your entitlements look like, what you are legally entitled to and basically, setting you up for a good negotiation and a realistic outlook is something that is highly recommended.
Family lawyer is one of those areas in which there is a lot of outside information but spread around and that might not necessarily be accurate. People pick up information and misinformation and ideas from friends, from family members, from your neighbour next door who went through a divorce 5 years ago, from TV, from media, that kind of thing. There is just a huge spread of misinformation and that is quite dangerous because people do come into this process with the wrong ideas about how the process works.
So getting legal advice from a qualified family lawyer is highly, highly recommended. Clear your mind and to truly understand what the process is going to look like and uncover the truth for you.
Tip #13- Be Patient
There is a famous saying when it comes to divorce that divorce is only as fast as the slowest person. So you can’t actually force someone to engaged with the process, to reply to your letters on time and to negotiate with you. Sometimes, it really might just seem like a waiting game and being patient is very important.
Tip #14- Parenting Is Forever
Even though you might never want to see your partner again in your life, you are going to always have your children that you share. So you are going to have some kind of engagement with them in your life. So that is something to remember.
That goes back to my point about thinking about what you send. Do remember that what you are sending is to the other parent of your children, that will affect in some way your children and just remember that it is in the best interest of your children for you to be able to co-parent together, be able to work together in an amicable way.
Tip #15- Manage Your Expectations
This ties in with my tip about getting legal advice when getting divorced. There is a lot of misinformation around regarding what a divorce might look like, what you might be entitled to, who gets the keep the children and that kind of thing. Make sure you manage reasonable expectations when getting divorced.
Do Your Divorce Right
Listen to the advice of your divorce lawyer and they will be able to help you with your expectations and what your case might look like. Everyone's divorce process is different, so there should be a customized approach planned out.
Don’t just make up your own expectations about the divorce legal process and think that what you believe is the way that it is going to be because that is not how it works.